Children often notice when a loved one begins to change. They may see a grandparent forget their name, repeat the same story or behave in a way that seems unusual. They may wonder what is happening or even worry that they did something wrong.
Talking about dementia can help children understand these changes and feel more secure. The key is to be honest, reassuring and age-appropriate. You don’t have to explain everything at once. Start with simple information and let the child’s questions guide the conversation.
Young Children: Ages 3–5
Young children need simple explanations they can understand. Start by asking what they have noticed.
- Explain dementia in simple terms. You might say, “Grandpa has an illness that makes it hard for his brain to remember things.”
- Reassure them that dementia is not contagious and that they did not cause it.
- Let them know that it’s okay to feel sad, scared, confused or angry.
- Encourage them to ask questions, even if they ask the same question more than once.
- Read an age-appropriate picture book about dementia together.
- Focus on what their loved one can still do and help them find ways to spend time together.
- Offer plenty of hugs, reassurance and emotional support.
School-Age Children: Ages 6–11
Children this age can understand more about dementia and may have many questions. Explain that dementia is a disease that affects the brain and can cause problems with memory, thinking, communication and behavior.
- Answer questions honestly and use language they can understand.
- Be prepared for questions such as “Why doesn’t Grandma remember me?” or “Will she get better?”
- If you don’t know the answer, it’s okay to say, “I don’t know, but we can find out together.”
- Remind them that changes in their loved one’s behavior are caused by the disease and are not their fault.
- Let them know that feelings such as sadness, anger, frustration or embarrassment are normal.
- Encourage them to talk about their feelings and ask questions.
- Consider reading a book about dementia written for their age group. It can help them understand the disease and open the door to conversations about their feelings.
- Look for ways they can enjoy time with their loved one, such as playing a simple game, looking at pictures or listening to music together.
Tweens and Teenagers: Ages 12–18
Older children can usually understand more about dementia and may want to know what to expect as the disease progresses.
- Give them more detailed information as they ask for it.
- Encourage them to ask questions and share their feelings.
- Talk openly about how dementia may affect the family and daily life.
- If they worry about developing dementia themselves, provide accurate, age-appropriate information and correct any misunderstandings.
- Help them find ways to stay connected with their loved one, such as:
- Listening to favorite music
- Looking through family photographs
- Watching a favorite movie or TV show
- Helping with a favorite activity
- Simply spending time together
- Make sure they understand that they are not responsible for providing care.
- Encourage them to continue making time for school, friends, hobbies and other activities that are important to them.
At Every Age: Keep Talking
A child’s understanding and feelings may change as dementia progresses. Keep checking in and give children opportunities to ask questions and talk about how they are feeling. Most importantly, help children understand that although dementia can change a person’s memory and behavior, the relationship they share can still be meaningful.
Simple moments of connection — a hug, a favorite song, looking at family photographs or simply spending time together — can still be special for both the child and the person with dementia.
